Subject: A Proposition and a Toast
Dear Team Franzia,
I am writing this email to you as both a wine enthusiast
and fan of your boxed wine line of adult beverages. What started has
a joke has grown into a fond appreciation for your brand and product, and I
only wish I could go back in time to tell 21 year old me to slow down and smell
the grape mash. No need to rush through it in a game of Easter
Wine Pong (which was amazing, by the way), rather sit back and let the notes
hit you like the boozy kiss they were intended to be.
Yes, my college debauchery ended up fermenting into true
fandom, like the sour grapes that one day make a fine box of
wine. To prove my commitment to your product, I am attaching a photo
from the 2013 Somerville Jingle Bell 5k (and one taken at home, just for
funzies). To be clear, I’m the one in the box of Crisp White. I
don’t often like to toot my own horn, but let’s just say I was the toast of the
town that day. Of all the high fives and awkward hugs I
received, never was there a bad word for Franzia. There was
nothing but love for your brand of boxed wine, and as I ran around Boston that
day, there were plenty of other people who became fans, too. Which got me thinking….
Franzia email answerer, I hope you’re sitting down,
because I have an idea that will blow the proverbial cork out of your bottle,
or rather, the wine bladder out of your box.
Imagine, if you will,
a Franzia sponsored semi-decent athlete, competing in local races
adorned in your brand. It would be best if said athlete was not of
rock-hard stature, because when they finish more towards the back of the pack
without placing in the top 10, 15, 20, maybe even 40% of their competitors,
it's all good, because they're going to sit down to a nice box of wine (amongst
friends, we can add those in there if you're concerned about promoting
over-consumption). I know what you’re thinking….”WOW great idea, but
WHO ON EARTH would be both an amateur athlete not of a god-like
physique who can also appreciate our great products?!”. Fear
not, my ambrosia producing friends, for I am ready and able to slosh around
town in a box of wine, ready to usher in the next generation of wine aficionados
from the Millennial era and point them in your celebrated direction.
But for reals, thanks for the boss wine and solid green
production practices that your company partakes in. Super
cool. And just kidding about being a Franzia-sponsored
athlete.**
From the bottom of the bottle, er…box,
Amanda
**Unless you think it’s awesome, then I’m totally
in. You now have my contact details, consider me standing by ;)
